Perhaps I should emphasise the client concerned gave her express permission for this to be written up, and all identifying details were altered!
IFS sessions can really allow your own knowing, (the ruler that dwells within – in Chinese Zen parlance) to get to work – because they can help you SEE how ‘parts’ of the mind have learned to sidetrack you and defend you, but when recognised for what they are, and understood they become willing to step back so that you can reconnect with a young part of you who got lost….
Me at the start of a line – interjections by me as therapist
ME = Myalgic encephalomyelitis
IFS session with ‘Gloria
…Stomach feels repulsed, no rejecting something I can’t digest – sharpness?
Picture of me prioritising the least important things and getting nowhere; recognition I don’t know how to set personal goals and stick to them
Recognition that there is no one in charge….
I don’t stop and check in with what I really want to do..
victim mentality compare myself to others is insidious.
Nausea in the solar plexus…
sleepy weak fatigue says: leave me alone I want to curl up and sleep, daydream it’s too much to think…
me – I have a figuring out part they can get very tired sometimes….
yes this figuring out part collapses..
The duality between the figuring out part and collapsing part is very striking; putting my feet on the floor I am allowing the body to talk and the body is responding.
A wave of ME descending ;
me -what would it say ?
blankness keeps me small..
me: what’s it afraid would happen if you weren’t small ? He doesn’t know
the ME does the same thing as the blankness…
me: like a blanket thrown over a prisoner going to court?
Feeling spreads, heightens itself, radiating from the body into the energy field where it is less solid and fuzzy…
wave of sadness at not trusting myself…(She had recognised her sensitivity to energy fields then had judged this sensitivity)
energy leaking out into the aura depleting me not aware of the energy field
lacking energy..
If you are sick you expel, but this is on an energetic level?
Heightened ME – a band – deep ache under the ribs – a blow to the solar plexus and then I bend over…
tiny bit of sadness that knows before I do, the consequence of that blow – the solar plexus took the blow to protect the vulnerable core..
The core part where Gloria is very small and in hiding –
Relief to connect with that part that’s been waiting…
I saw her for the first time, feel a bit stunned she seems almost deformed like a plant that has been kept in the dark
me :how do you feel towards her?
sadness can’t feel it fully it is too painful it would overwhelm me and consume me..
me: ask how old the sadness thinks you are?
it doesn’t know
me: tell her (often young parts don’t know the person they live in is an adult)
Sadness is allowed…
Me: there is beauty in sadness, when you can admit the loss, it is your path back to your heart. You are grieving for her.
She’s been trying to get my attention via nausea and pain in the ribs and even the ME, ache getting me to try and listen to her.
Do I trust myself, will I listen to her?
Saw her as a nub of light – energetic power that was there that could blossom.
Surprise at the strength of it; that little nub is not so tight; light is coming in, surprised at the strength and the power – is that me? Never seen myself like that before.
Me: does she know you are paying attention to her?
Yes, attention has allowed her to soften and expand and not be so contracted and be playful..
Me – bit like getting a credit card statement with a massive surplus – it would take time for yout to update your understanding..
Put attention on nub of light – anything she wants you to know?
She knows exactly what she needs.. Nourishment …don’t have to figure it out, its just growing the connection..
End of session
me – important to thank the parts of you that took risks to allow you to get to know her –
There was a figuring out part,
a blank screen,
a ME part was leaking out in, and
a cynical part ,
just reassure them this is all work in progress and they may be able to not have to work quite so hard in future.
